Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Souled Out...

My acescency towards my stay in Pakistan has dwindled into the faintest after taste, but one thought of it's stench brings me whirling back. Good thing the pollen count is so high and my nasal passages have been unable to detect the smells of my surroundings ;)

The complacency and numbness of my existence in Pakistan has indeed taken a toll on me, the price - I've souled out from being a traveller, a fool. My schedule consists of waking up at six or seven, checking some emails, going to my new office where I have been providing consultancy services to the Pakistan Engineers Society, going to this place and that place running errands that aren't mine with relatives, then spending exuberant hours with facebook when I should be reading a book or trying to squeeze in some creative works. By the time I realize it, it's three in the morning and realize that I need some sleep in order to repeat Groundhog Day.

I have felt no desire to create as of late which has been my sanctuary, even my sanctuary has been invaded. When I sit down to concoct something that has been flowing through my thoughts, my mind goes blank. When I want to express some thought or experience through writing, I have no motivation.

I feel tired and drained of energies. If I were to have only 100 units of energy in a day, I've used them up by 9am. I hear loud talking, tension in the air, cars honking, people screaming, power outages - the common everyday in the sub-continent. However, what I found to be the most glorious of chaotic harmony is now fingernails on a chalkboard. I am allotted 100 units to use wisely throughout my day and currently going into debt. Debt is a horrible way to exist with it's lingering tension. I am changing my environment and have enrolled in a quick debt reduction program of travel. Does anyone know if there is a karmic debt reduction plan? I definitely need to reduce that one, sooner the better ;)

I have had one medium in which to share my existence and it has been my saving grace (thank you). I am feeling the blood course through my veins and my breath is steady and supportive. My mom tells me she loves me, my love tells me I'm loved, my friends tell me they love me and my imaginary friends tell me they love me, except in different languages ;) The allergies and sinuses are clearing up and I can faintly pull in the perfumed garden once again.

So I have received my Indian visa, my NICOP card is on it's way and am packing away clothes that will encumber my travels. Reducing the weight and excess so that I can start trudging about as a wandering traveller. No plans, no guides, just a backpack and a desire to experience the experiences...

1 comment:

  1. hi

    i saw ur blogs and pics amazing i admire u and ur eye, im a writer and law person i live in london and want to get into prof photography any tips , my email s najmaalikhanyusufi@yahoo.co.uk


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