Back to back sentences...

Imprisonment. That is what I've been feeling and the bitterness of a thousand lemons resides in my chest at the moment. Not like me to be bitter, but this country is wearing extremely thin on me. I think I've complained here and there and as I write this feel no need to rant on about what rubs me like 80 grit sandpaper any longer. It's like one of those letters you write and choose not to send.

The days seem to roll by effortlessly with me doing absolutely nothing. Regularly I invite the bliss of nothingness into my life but I can't accept being in a house all day without venturing anywhere except the internet. I am ready to throw this computer at someone if it weren't for one of two reasons that I need my I.V. of one's and zero's. I have had the accumulating weight of anger on my shoulders and as they say there is a straw that will break the camel's back. I think I managed to find that last straw. There is a wise man that rings into my ears as I write these words, "Each day gets better". Ain't that the double truth Ruth?!

I just want to leave this country. What was once beauty has turned into a beast.

It's coming up to Monsoon season in India and I don't like continuous rain, the bottom of your trousers always get wet and it's so difficult to care for shoes ;) So I have no idea what my plans are other than vacating the Islamic Republic of Pakistan as soon as I can. One of the determining factors remains to be the lackadaisical staff at the Indian High Commission. They have my passport but have forgotten about the big note on the front of my application that states to contact me when the work is complete. Lesson in having expectations ;)

The other matter that has really kept me here is my NICOP card which I can't leave the country with. My visa expired long ago and visa extension seemed to be the best solution. Aftere $66 US dollars I arrived at the visa office only to be told they need another $50 for a multiple entry visa. The only reason I opted for this route was so that I could leave the country and come back at a later date to retrieve my identity card. So, here I've ended up waiting a full month for it and over forty days for the visa. The funny thing is that it took less than a few hours for the Indian High Commission in Canada to approve and clear my visa. The staff here must be having a hell of time finding a glue stick to affix the visa into my passport ;) Every time I visited the High Commission here they promptly offered me some kind of reason for the delay, every time something different. They spewed out some tutty just so they could prove their authority. I've become quite proficient in the dialect of bureaucratise and offer the answer to all their suggestions, with a smile of course. They offered me a job ;)

My sanctuary exists in a world of magic, headphones and continuous creative jobs that keep flowing in. Thank you to those that fuel my sanity, you have no idea what it means to vanish from everything for what seems like an eternity. I am very grateful.

You must not for one instant give up the effort to build new lives for yourselves. Creativity means to push open the heavy, groaning doorway to life. This is not an easy struggle. Indeed, it may be the most difficult task in the world, for opening. ~Daisaku Ikeda