Tuesday, March 06, 2007

I talk too much...

I really do. I've always been talking. Talkin' shit, swallowin' spit. That's the only way I can sum up my fanatical oratory performances. I've been searching for an outlet for this excess energy but lo and behold I find myself talking once again ;) Stand up comedy was a great release where I was entertaining with my verbal diarrhea instead of imposing my words on unwelcoming ears. So to those whom I have overwhelmed with just talking and talking, interrupted or over powered them, I offer my sincerest apologies. I've always liked attention and overcompensated by being loud, crazy and funny. Now, I no longer overcompensate, I'm just loud, crazy and funny ;)

I think words are such a waste. The mind chatter that pollutes our thoughts and manifests them - chitta vritti. I am not good enough... I am not smart enough... I am not. If you concentrate on what you are not, then you'll be exactly that, something you are not. I am thankful for having an ability to visualize what I wish to manifest in my world. My eldest brother taught me my first lesson in visualization. I was standing at a free throw line and was told to visualize myself shooting and watching the ball just catching the net and making that ever so majestic sound - swoosh! Then I would perform my ritual of dribbling the ball three times, spin the ball with my right hand just before I cradled it and waved goodbye to the ball. It worked! I saw it before it actually happened. I kept that lesson strictly to basketball without thinking that I could extend it to everything I did.

My second lesson came while drowning in confusion. My abilities to visualize were very strong, however, I managed to use them to fuel the 'worst-case-scenario' scenario. Anything I feared or was taught to fear I could visualize. Then it would happen. Imagine that, the thoughts that you are consumed by appearing in your life as if you intended them to. I found myself always concentrating and stuck in the vortex of ill thought and what if's. The culprit, insecurity. If you could incarcerate insecurity the flow of thoughts become that of gratitude, appreciation and intent. Insecurity is serving a life sentence. I am a free man and am grateful, appreciate this boon and have set my intentions.

Defining the unknown before it could be known, that's a court violation and loss of possession. With thirty seconds left on the clock and my team down by one point, how could I be so stupid. Ah, there's the rub... I loved to beat myself up. So, I've decided to take the opportunity to find a solution to my challenge. We had thirty seconds left, a world of possibilities are available, just converge on one and own it. Visualize it and it will be. Instead of giving up hope and blaming myself for losing the game, I had an opportunity to utilize teamwork and make the ball go through the hoop.

I am thankful and grateful for having this once in a lifetime opportunity to be face to face with the unknown. This unknown of traveling through foreign lands, meeting foreign folk and doing it on the seat of a motorcycle. I never expect anything and can't give it any thought until I actually am walking the unknown, then it becomes known. Now the known is a story, a picture, a regurgitation of my experience. I will share and speak of, my delights and triumphs but some remain housed in my vaults. I am trying to accumulate an accurate recollection of my collective experiences so that I may be able to one day expel them with impeccable truth.

1 comment:

  1. beautiful & true words - but no apologies needed, no such thing as "too much" talking, only "not enough" talking/listening.

    one day all talk stops from each of us, and on that day our voices will be missed

    but our words will still echo or be scattered where we left them (maybe even the 4 letter ones)

    leave nothing unsaid - unless it is best left unsaid altogether :)

    peace be upon you brutha :P


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