Tuesday, November 24, 2009

#Tweetsgiving this...

What am I thankful for?! For starters, just glad I woke up this morning. A few days in the year people take the time to give thanks?! This pains me to no extent. Valentine's day is one of just a few examples where most people make up for the lack of love they exhibit to their significant others and try to buy it back in one night, sad. Well, I'm going to tell you right now... I'm thankful for things that not many are thankful for.

Sure, I could give you a blanket statement that I'm thankful for all that is, that I'm thankful for so and so, or whatchamacallit, but I'm not going to. Instead, I'm going to speak truth, my truth. Now I have to muster up the courage to dive into the most difficult parts of human emotion. Some wise ones say that fear is only the absence of courage. If you possess the courage, then the fear dwindles. You see, I have a firm belief that all the misery and travesty that is presented to you in your day is only done so because you have the strength and courage to get through it. No need to endure it, just move through it.

I welcome and am so thankful for all the death in my life. I am thankful for all the failure that I have to witness. I am thankful for blowing it with the greatest girl in the world. I'm thankful for the accidents I have been in and the pain I had to suffer through. And I'm thankful for all the ill thoughts, racism, anger, hatred and emotional daggers that have been thrown at me or that I have chosen to stand in front of. Right now you're probably scratching your head and wondering what kind of masochist would say these things. All these things we consider bad or horrible things are just moments in time when we are pushed to exist in a way that challenges our entire beings.

The duality of this little snow globe we live on is inseparable. Khalil Gibran says it best:
“... joy and sorrow are inseparable. . . together they come and when one sits alone with you . . . remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.”
It is often when we are in the darkest realms within our lives do we see the brightest lights. That glimmer of hope that pulls us out from oblivion to exist and breathe life into another day. These are all blessings in disguise. The angels are amongst us, how dare anyone think that they always come in forms of white cloth laden cherubs. They are standing right beside you in the subway, they are sitting on the sidewalk with the courage to ask for help, they are the person serving you coffee in the morning. It's definitely time you woke up to smell the coffee...

With the smallest of awareness, you can be thankful for those angels being in your life. They teach us every day that there is a message waiting for us, if we only choose to wake up. Wake up from the "poor me" or the "life's not fair" and my favorite, "it's not my fault". Yes, poor you for living with blinders up. Yes, life's not fair when you make choices that put you in the predicament you're in. And oh boy, not my fault?! Blaming someone else?! No finger pointing need be done, if it has to be, then please point it at yourself when you have these thoughts. Ain't no one else but you creating your little story.

There was a woman in my life, still is just not to the extent that once was, yet she's with me everyday. Not one day goes by without her energy in my snow globe. She woke me up. She was my teacher, my student and my reflection. Sometimes I did not like what I saw, while other times I wouldn't believe what I saw. Every ounce of me resonates with this woman. Not because she was beautiful beyond all measure, not because she loved me more than any other human being on this planet, but because she helped shape me into who I am. That is what I'm most thankful for. The lens to view life with a fresh perspective.
The only real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.
-Marcel Proust


  1. That was incredible. Seriously, brother. Very powerful. Thanks for writing this.

  2. Thanks to you for even listening. Many blessings be upon you and within you.

    Plus, you owe me a 2L of Coke still, don't try and sweet talk your way out of that :)

  3. What a blessing to finally receive a slice of KtotheW's soul after so many long months of silence.

    PLEASE keep blogging, dude... please?

    peace & Love
    KtotheB xo

  4. Well said, my friend. I'm glad you were able to wake up another day and say these things, things you say. Wonderful post.

    I think people do look back and forward to give thanks to what drives them daily, more than once a year. I know I do. I may not put it in writing, but I surely think it.
    And often verbalize it too.

    I agree that our hardships have shaped us but I can't say it's for the better or the worse. I guess it all depends on the individual and the grief they've experienced. The levels of this can be staggering...

    I'm not thankful for the majority of my miseries. They didn't give me strength of character. Far from it.
    They weakened me in a multitude of colorful ways. Maybe that's why I love crayons so much.

    I enjoy your piece and the ending is touching, beautiful. Thanks Khayyam.

  5. Glad to see you writing again!

    I love how you just laid all that out there. It takes courage and balls to do that and you, my friend, have both.

    Thanksgiving is exactly like Valentines Day. Both are nothing but commercial holidays that people use as an excuse to celebrate something they should celebrate every single fucking day.

    Love and thanks, brotha!

  6. KtotheB: Long months of silence and a new redesign on a site that I can never be pleased with. This has sparked me to just do it. So soon this will have a new look and feel and keeping all the same tasty morsels.

    I'll keep this site an outlet for my personal antics. And have another for the social stomping and what not :)

    Chris(Tina): Thanks for the remarks and kindness. What you speak is true, it is not for better or worse... it just is. Both are measures of points of reference of our growing points. Some utilize one side, others use the other and there are some crazies out there that try and find a balance between the two.

    For you see, within in the duality there is only one thing, both of them are required for one :)

    Did I ever tell you kids used to call me Crayon while growing up?!


    April: Didn't know this was laying it out, just speaking to that which I exist within. Guess to "normal" people I come off as crazy. And "normal" people to me seem absolutely loony tunes! Funny how that one works :)

    Glad I evoked some expletives and some courage and balls :)

  7. Thank you for sharing. Courageous and touching-maybe more so for me this year as I've been able to rediscover some of the highs that one would never be able to appreciate without experiencing the lows.

    Much love to you! ~Donna / @technobozo

  8. I'm in shock one u posted something lol. Two this was awesome and real.. thank you for sharing.

  9. Khayyam,

    Thanks for sharing. Thanksgiving truly = 365/24/7. An attitude we all need to cultivate daily.

    "Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth...you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed."
    — C.S. Lewis

    Thanks for being a true original.

    mjk / @michaeljoel

  10. You epitomize three things to me, Khayyam:

    1. Raw, open, honest humanity
    2. Introspective heart, mind and soul
    3. Teacher as student; student as teacher.

    I freaking love you! This post summarizes why. It's a gift - wisdom, encouragement, call to action, reality check, soul-searching instigator and love for yourself, others and life...all in one post. Thank you for writing and sharing with the world. It is truly a gift for which I am thankful.

  11. Donna: And thank you for resonating with my words and experiences. I'm happy that you've been able to see the light through your experiences this year. Blessings...

    Ohdoctah: First, don't be surprised a write real gooder. Second, is there any other way to be? For reals?! I send you whatever extra juju I got brother.

    Michael: Thank you for that quote. I had yet to come across that one. Made me feel all warm and tingly. Thank you. And hopefully we bump into one another sooner than later, ya?!

    Diamond: Thank you for your kindness. I am what I am, good or bad, just is... I am Khayyam :)

  12. Deep and moving, also completely appropriate this thanksgiving. It's a blessing to have you around. :)

  13. Thanks to Krystyn posting a link, reading your blog post was a glimpse into the persona "iamkhayyam" I see in my Twitterstream.

    I was really moved by what you wrote. Your spare prose combined with such a unique perspective must make each reader see the great value of every experience, good and bad.

    Thank you for sharing such a beautiful and personal essay.

  14. Tina told me to read your blog & I am delighted to have done so. I'm all about the real... the pain... the lessons of life. I've learned far more from my mistakes than I ever learned from my successes. I gave up fear one Lent, vowing to live 5 1/2 wks without it paralyzing and constipating my decisions. It was life-changing. Living without fear isn't just courageous, it's mind blowing. It took me at least a week to stop hyperventilating, but when I did, it was miraculous. Best thing I ever did. I too am grateful for the shit storm life brings me. Awesome post.

  15. Getting out more kleenex...spent a box writing my blog yesterday and I must have been inhaling the same spirit that led you to write yours.

    YES, YES, YES!

    Thank you to all the things that make us who we are today - the good, the bad and the really ugly.

    It's how you handle it that leads you to grace.

    And, you my friend, are that example of pure love and grace and I am thankful for IamKhayyam - that I am.

  16. If is not often that a piece of writing both moves me to tears and gives me goosebumps. It has happened more often when reading your words than I can count. This was no exception.

    Once again, my day is more beautiful because of your presence in it. :)

    Thank you, Khayyam. For writing, for sharing and for being such a powerful and shining force in my life.

  17. Oz: My brother. I knew that this would resonate with you. It was written for a reason and I hope that you gained some insight from my experiences. It's so nice to be around. Big love from me to you.

    Terri: Thank you for taking the time to get to know me. You contacted me prior to your comment and that I am grateful for. Looking forward to sharing in some future journeys.

    Jeanne: Amen sister! That's all I have to say about that :)

    Marla: Reading your blog post I was moved by your courage to share such a touching and emotionally challenging experience. Thank you.

    Lori: What can I say. From the get go you've been the most wonderful reflection to view myself through. You constantly provide me with the juju to smile and know that what I share and do is doing what it needs to be... connecting on an emotional level. You're such an angel that I'm lucky to have in my life.

  18. I wish you wrote more often! Love this entry. Hope you can find your way back to the woman... :)

  19. Hello..

    You were recommended to me by a mutual Twitter friend (@Tweetamar) and I initially followed you on there because you made me laugh my arse off!

    But coming to your blog and reading your Thanksgiving post has made me more than smile..it was more of a resonating *yeah-man-thank-fuck-someone-else-is-telling-it-like-it-is* moment!

    I can only agree with you and say yes, yes, yes...the truly shitty time (seemingly) are those that are meant for us; we create them, we signed up to those suckers long before they happened and agreed to go through it all - for personal growth, to get closer to that divine spark within, God, call it what you will - but I cannot help but salute anyone or anything that shines on a light that we all are co-creators of our own, and collective, lives...on the latter, the sooner we wake up to that one, the better IMHO!

    Anyhoo...can I just echo, I too, am thankful for all the crapness, cos it lead me to a real and magical existence, that only excites me more by the day!

    I will be back bro!


  20. Smells like shit to me ...

  21. great to see people so thankful. Thanks for reminding me of my personal luck.

  22. Love your altitude! I am smiling from ear to ear. Thanks ever so much. ~ matti

  23. Outstanding article Khayyam!

    You really have a way of putting things into perspective. making one feel grounded, and touching the reader deeply. You've spoken some hard truths that took a lot of courage to face and deal with, and it couldn't have been said more beautifully.

    Each time I read something you've written, especially when you give a glimpse of yourself, I'm awed by it. But this time even more so. You have a beautiful soul, and are a very special person with a lot to give. This shows in your writing.

    You've certainly made me rethink how I see things, and put myself in check.

    Much love my friend! :)


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