Monday, September 25, 2006

The busted station...

Events in this story may contain mature sexual themes and/or strong language. Viewer discretion is advised.

So get this...

The journey from Dharamsala down to Chandigarh was amazing. My very good friend Yakob drove myself and my two new Isreali travelling partners, Yuli and Lior, to Chandigarh. We stopped at magnificent scenery, laughed the day away, lived in luxury in a vehicle rather than the 'ordinary bus'. We were truly blessed to have such wonderful company and such a gracious host. We arrived in Chandigarh only for the night to leave for Rishikesh the next day.

Everyone in India tells you that 'everything possible' but upon further investigation 'not possible'. We were given so many stories of when buses leave and where, etc. After learning my lesson once before I decided to head down to the bus station to find out first hand. I got off the cycle rickshaw and not even a second after I put my other foot down a young Sikh boy approached me.

He asked me "Where you are from?"


"Oh... you don't know how much feelings I have for Canada" he said and added, "I have only seen Canada from the television. Maybe you want to 'taulk'?"

In my broken hindi I responded, "I only came here to find out some information, we'll see..." The converstation was mostly me trying to speak in hindi and he in english. He followed me from information booth to information booth. After going to five different people I finally found out the information that I needed. The last bus was leaving for Rishikesh at that very moment. The next one would be at eight in the evening landing us in Rishikesh at two in the morning. Not a suitable travel arrangement.

"So where you want to go?" the boy of not even seventeen years says to me.

"Go where?" I ask.

"Where you want to go to 'faulk'?"

"Where do I want to go to what?" I say with the most puzzled look on my face. It sounded like something I wasn't sure I really heard correctly.

"'Faulk'." he says sharply.

"Where do I want to go to F-U-C-K?" I ask with complete disbelief at what was transpiring.


I had to laugh out loud, for a very long time I might add. Some little kid just approached me in a bus station and asked to have sex. I was quite calmly in my response, "Oh yaar, that might float your boat but it doesn't float mine. I like women... a lot. I'm sorry that I can't help you out." in partial enlish, partial hindi.

"But you don't know how much feelings I have for Canada and for you."

"Oh... I'm pretty sure I do. Thank you but no thank you."

"Please, let me put your 'panas' in my mouth for five to ten seconds, please."

"You want to put my penis in your mouth for five to ten seconds? I don't think so. I'm flattered, but you need to go now."

He realized that I wasn't into biting any pillows or redesigning the interior of any homes in the near future and went off on his way. I just can't believe that I was approached by some little kid who asked to have sex with me. What was he going to do, take me from behind, behind the bus station? Did this ever work for him? Had he ever gotten someone to respond, Ya, ok... why not? (with the mandatory Indian head nod and shake).

I understand there is a population issue in India, but I'm not sure if this is the appropriate avenue in which to explore the decrease in population.

That's my story... unbelievable but 99% true.


  1. Ahh, K's breaking hearts all over South Asia's borders... and genders! ROFL.

    What's the 1% fiction? And what does "yaar" mean?

  2. btw, I'm pretty impressed you know how to speak Hindi... I know of only two other people who speak it, one an old history profesor and the other a friend who was majoring in South Asian history... funnily enough, both have no ties (visual or otherwise) to the area other than their personal interest in the land's history. The weirdest thing is seeing this totally British descendant speaking Hindi in Calgary. :P

  3. The 1% fiction is for me to know. Do you ask how a magician performs his magic? ;)

    From Wiktionary

    From Hindustani यार (yār) / یار (yār).

    yaar m. (f.: yaari)

    (Indian English) A friend, pal, or buddy.
    Help me yaar!!!

  4. I sat with a sadhu today along the Ganga and we spoke for about an hour and half in Hindi. He dropped some serious science on me as I increased my vocabulary. He spoke very little english but we somehow used synonyms to get around word issues. Fascinating man with a fascinating life and no name.

  5. Oh Khayyam, your stories always make me smile or giggle.....but I think I woke up everyone sleeping in the library reading this one!!!

  6. Anonymity has it's benefits, I'm a big believer in it, but in this forum it has no value to me. All these wonderful comments and no one leaves me a name.

    I would like to share with you but it is difficult if you don't leave a name.

    Just click other and type in your name or a hint at least... something?!

    Thank you kindly.

  7. Glad I could be the alarm clock to all those that should be getting their learn on instead of their snooze on.

    Happy to be of some service in the smile/laugh department.

    That's what I do ;)


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